Insights: Part 1
Roughly 3 months ago, I wrote Taking a Break: A User Guide to Taking Time off from Work in anticipation of the next 6-9 work-free months. In full transparency, the past few months have been spectacular! Filled with travel, time with friends/family, reading, writing, climbing, running and most importantly, self-learning. In unsurprising and deeply privileged news, investing in myself has been easy and fun. In addition, all this time and space has clearly revealed some of my core human qualities. When not working, there’s no ability to hide behind the facade of the day-to-day rat-race. With this raw exposure, I’m excited to share some of my biggest personal insights below.
Much love, clarity, and gratitude, -Beck
Snapshots of the past 3 months:
Biggest Personal Insights:
#1. Even when not working, there’s still not enough time in the day to accomplish all I want to accomplish.
That’s OK. And the reframing of this conundrum is the whole point.
Unpacking my logic: Filling the day with worthwhile experience is easy. There’s an opportunity for a slower pace -to cook meals, exercise, read, enjoy coffee or cocktails with friends, then sleep long and luxuriously. There are still moments when I feel like “I’m not doing enough. I’m not taking enough advantage of this time”. Catching myself in these moments, I realize that the deeply ingrained construct of “more = good” needs to change. To be a better friend, confidant and partner, I need to slow down and practice gratitude for all that I have. Often “more is just more”, and “what I have now = good”.
#2. I do not miss work.
Let me repeat, I do not miss work.
I do miss coaching/leadership, problem solving, having clear goals to march toward, and receiving praise when those goals are met.
Many friends, co-workers and even I, thought I would miss the day-to-day operations, energy, and grind of Pandora. The interesting revelation is that I don’t really miss building and shipping products.* I miss coaching and leading others, which is probably why I picked up a larger-than-expected role in our burning man camp and am also helping a few friends with resume building, networking and job finding. On the problem solving front, I’ve shifted my energy from product/org strategy and analytics to reading, writing and rock climbing. These creative and athletic endeavors scratch similar intellectual itches -though I look forward to diving into a spreadsheet or two in my next paid gig. I miss having clear goals and receiving praise. Point me at a problem, articulate a goal, and tell me I’ll receive a gold star (or a top ranking, a bonus, or whatever)…And I will kill myself to achieve the goal. I’m highly motivated by winning and/or doing well in others eyes. This personal attribute has been extraordinarily helpful in many aspects of my life -sports, school, and career. But this personality trait also obfuscates and confuses intentionality. In my next professional role, and in life in general, it’s critical to remain cognizant of why I’m doing something. Is it because it’s the perceived right thing to do by others? Or is it because it’s what I want to do? Thankfully, most of my biggest life decisions have been driven by what “I wanted to do”. But having an increasingly intimate level of awareness will allow a better check on my intention.
* To any future employers reading this, don’t worry! I’ll return to a type-A product and analytics machine, with a bit more zen, when I work on your mission driven, collaborative effort :)
#3. Not working has been a huge stress-reliever.
BUT…
I have minor anxious tendencies, even in times of limited stress.
My life is comically un-stressful while not working relative to the real and perceived pressure I was under when a VP @ Pandora. For context, my partner and I are in good health, and so are our families. We don’t have kids and are a duel-income family. We own our home in SF and have a huge community of chosen family in the bay area. All that said, I still fill a small but noticeable amount of time with back-of-mind worry -Can I pass the lead climbing test? Am I running/reading/writing/creating/doing enough in this time off? Will I be able to get a job I love when I start looking for one? Putting these worries to paper makes me self-conscious. These are absurd concerns… But they underscore the fact that I have a natural tendency to (1) look toward the future with primarily great hope, optimism and confidence but that (2) a small but real part of me has doubt and will create stress even in a seemingly stress-free environment. With this insight, I’m even more committed to a practice of mindfulness and gratitude for the “now”. To be at my best is to be more present in this moment.
#4. My friends’ advice was spot on, and super helpful!
Talking to folks who went through a similar transition from work to sabbatical was an incredibly helpful exercise. Key advice included:
You previously had money, and not time. Now you have the opposite. Enjoy the resource reversal.
To-do lists of all the things you want to accomplish can be helpful at moments of listlessness.
Don't try too hard to have a specific end-goal in mind for this time just yet.
Invest More… Invest Less…
Therapy teaches you to get clear about “What you want to give more value to” and “What you want to give less value to”. At the start of my “taking a break from work” journey, I built a comprehensive plan around what I wanted to give value to in these months off. Below is the example Trello board that maps my personal values to current and future experiences.
In Hindsight, Some Things Have Changed
First off, I’m thankful I created an initial “plan” for my time off. The trello board has been a helpful centering mechanism… When I catch myself spending too much time doing any one thing -internetting, puttering around, etc.- it’s time to remind myself what I wanted to invest in, in the first place. However, the trello board has been a fluid and ever evolving tool.
Updated Trello Board - 3 months into this break
Invested More:
Reading and writing - Check out my book review: My Year of Rest, (Reading) and Relaxation - Book Review Pt. 1 .
Running - I signed up for a 10k in early August -my first race in nearly 10 years!
Friend and Family time - I knew I’d spend a lot of time off connecting with the people I love. But I’m over-indexing even on what I had expected. I’ve said “yes” to basically every social event, and I’m headed to Italy with my parents in the fall -a just planned trip. So much of what’s special about this time is the ability to be present with my community, and to give more of myself to the people I love most.
Invested Less:
Photography & Cooking - I’ve invested some time each, but I’d like to devote more of my energy in both activities. Perhaps a more dedicated photo trip or cooking lessons are in my future!
Volunteer Activities - I haven’t volunteered in a meaningful way. I’m giving myself another month or two to fully decompress before I set a goal and intention around volunteer opportunities.
Stay tuned for Insights: Part 2… Coming in a few months. When life has happened, and more has been learned <3