Reflections on a Break & Looking Ahead
“Soo…What are you going to do?” -asks everyone
Over the past 8 months on a break, I’ve experienced that question in spades: Asked in different ways, with inquisitive expressions, from unique postures, with disparate judgements. Coffee or cocktail catch-ups commence with curious and caring inquiry “How have your travels been? What have you been doing? What else is going on?”. Then planes shift, “After you’re done with time off, what’s next?”. As if this period in my life’s been an extended vacation, an expensive ‘summer camp’ -enjoying a decadent frosted cupcake that vanishes with bites, until the next ‘real’ thing happens. These catch-ups aren’t with casual acquaintances. They are conversations with my community -friends and family I love and respect. Yet I fault no one -because I asked this exact same question of others.
Our world is built around the importance of, the value to, and our relationship with our work.
Let’s all sit with that for a moment.
My 1-year ago self was also a touch jealous and a twinge judgy in conversations with those taking time off. “What are they doing with their time?”, “Why haven’t they gone back to work yet?”, “Sure, they are happy and their skin looks great, but it’s because they’re in-between things right now.”
Much of my own identity was intrinsically connected to my job. I climbed the ladder to VP! Led a major podcast initiative, working only <insanely busy> 9 hour days, <hiding the fact that I thought about work for closer to 11–12 hours a day and brought stress home with me>. I’d won the game and still had (some) time to do other stuff on the side -eg. life.
And to be clear, I LOVED my work. I don’t regret anything or wish the experience had been different. I’m immensely proud and fulfilled by our team’s and my personal accomplishments. In hindsight, I only wish I’d been more self-reflective. Better at identifying when I rounded up work success to broader life success. More often I should have asked “Am I the best human I can be right now? Am I the best partner? Am I the best friend?”
Time off designed and built the space for that insight.
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The question “What have you learned?” really means “What have you learned that will help you get your next job?”
Advice for a Break
Excited to share what I’ve learned! But it’s only loosely tied and valuable in getting another job. I *do* believe and am grateful that the insights have made me a more compassionate human.
If you can swing it financially: Gift yourself time. Time affords you space. And space allows an ability to invest in your passions. Taking time off is a financial hardship, however there are ways to minimize the impact. You can ‘slow roll’ your next job opportunity and take more time between gigs, or simply commit to actually taking all your vacation. Traveling to less expensive places around the world means you can both immerse yourself in a new culture and stretch your budget. Gaps in your resume are fine as long as you can articulate the investment in yourself during those off-periods. If family or financial obligations that won’t allow for time off -try to carve out some time for yourself in other ways. Morning jog/walks, longer showers, an hour of yoga, etc. Focus on time that’s restful and contemplative.
Rest, relax, and return to a previous you. I was burnt out when I left work. Because of such a strong emotional investment, it was impossible to objectively step back. Can you relax your shoulders down your back? Can you slow your walking pace? Can you quell some of your restless mind and thoughts? Give yourself space to reset your experience, free from personal expectation or judgement.
Find your passions. Once rested, unapologetically do what you love. Get after it! Wake up without a plan and invest in your curiosities. You’ll likely learn a lot about what truly brings you joy.
What other people think of you is none of your business. Do what you do because it’s what you want to do, not because it’s what you perceive others think you should do.
Biggest Personal Insights from Time Off
I love talking 1:1 to people about what they value. Digging in on what inspires, motivates and challenges others; conversing with friends, ex-coworkers and new connections. I treasure meeting with women and men of all ages and at all points in their career; but have a concentrated focus on amazing and aspiring female leaders. No matter what’s next in ‘What I do professionally’, connecting 1:1 with people that matter will be a large part of the role. With increased time and minimized stress, it’s easier to be present. I understand (or can at least witness) pain, challenges and joys. I’ve learned to stop giving advice and instead to ask inviting questions. To me, these connections are at the core of being human.
Writing #FTW. Loving cards, quippy or thought provoking but synthesizing emails, silly and poignant text messages, journal entries and longer bodies of work because (1) A belief that what I have to say can help others and (2) The intellectual challenge, freedom and possibility of authentically conveying myself through writing. Language is a beautiful connector. In writing, we can strive for “expression; just right”.
Systems-level thinking. I’m curious about the future of technology, impacts of climate change, consciousness, mindfulness, connection, relationship, culture and art. I’ve always given some time to big philosophical concepts, but not enough, nor with meaningful consistency. Eye roll at those who call themselves ‘deep thinkers’, but the reality is, if curious, we’re all capable of envisioning the future of why and what will be. Some are predisposed to connect with this thinking. Others require a break from the grind to get excited about bigger ideas.
Play and precision: Mastery of movement. I set out during this time to grow to a better athlete. To hone specific skills in rock climbing, bike riding, running, and (yes) handstanding. But the guiding principle was to feel better in my body. To increase my agility, flexibility, strength and control over moment. Flash forward → I walk through the world with noticeably more grace than 8-months ago. I am proud and it feels amazing!
I’m good at stuff. Others believe that and so do I. Quarantining the imposter syndrome comments to this section. Even as a leader across multiple dimensions, a VP at a publicly traded company and a trusted friend, I still question my abilities, “Am I making the most of this time off?”, “Was my career growth only luck and timing?”, “If so much of who I was was defined by work, what does that mean for my unemployed self?”. “What will I be able to do next?”. Time off has confirmed my curiosity, self-motivation, and ability to create the world I want to live in going forward. We can’t predict our futures but I am confident it’s all gonna be OK, even if the path remains opaque.
“Professionally, What’s Next?”
The Big Question that Everyone Wants to Ask
TL;DR — Not sure yet …But I’m getting ready to start thinking about it! There was an intentional decision NOT to think about my future career such that I could be present in the moment. It was an opportunity to confirm that I am a complete and purposeful person without a job. Choosing to give myself time and space to see what was interesting; not what my type-A brain pushed me toward.
Now starts an exploration: What do I want to give value to professionally in the next 5 years?
More to come on what’s really next. There will be values, conditions for success and probably a spreadsheet (or 7) written. Grateful to you for joining me on this journey and hopeful that you find this shared experience beneficial, or at least connecting.
Much love, -Beck